Within 20 minutes of my first official post, The Child took a header down the stairs. Still don't know exactly how it happened. All I know is that I suddenly saw a flash of movement near the top of the stairs and heard a truly horrific, gutteral scream: it was me! I've often read passages in trauma-related narratives to the effect of, "I distantly heard screaming, only to realize that it emanated from my own throat," but had always written them off as the products of literary license. However, I can now state with an authority born of personal experience that this phenomena is, indeed, quite possible; even a day later, my throat is still raw from that wild, involuntary and utterly unconscious screech. I'm certain that the epic standing leap I took would've qualified me for the Olympic long jump, or a champion rugby team; I'm still actually unclear on how, exactly, I managed it. Had to be 2 metres, at least. DH, downstairs working, was alerted by the banshee shriek emanating from the top of the stairs and made his own desperate, house-length scramble, only to see The Child upside-down in midair on Its way down the steps. Even under the influence of the unimaginable adrenalin rush that such a sight unleashed, DH was unable to snatch The Child before It reached the third step from the bottom.
Unbelievably, The Child suffered nothing more than a fat and bloodied lip after a literal head-over-heels, high-velocity tumble down an entire flight of stairs. I, on the other hand, was still shaking and unable to sleep 12 hours later...The Child, angel incarnate that It is, had completely stopped crying within 2-3 minutes, and within 2 hours was hamming it up with my in-laws. By late evening, The Child was staging full comic reenactments: pratfalls, complete with faux crying and giggling queries of "did I share you SO MUCH again, mom? Were you really shared?" By this morning, it was business as usual, and my newly-impassioned pleas and threats regarding staying very far away from the top of the stairs were met by the standard barrage of "why? why?" Yep- clearly somebody was traumatized by the incident, and that somebody was NOT The Child.
In summation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr-e3qGQ884
Wait until you get to kid number 3. You will A. Yell to oldest child, or middle...whoever's closest to "get your sister!!" B. Finish your blog, head to freezer, grab icepack, plop icepack on kids head, head back to computer, start new blog.
ReplyDeleteHappily, at my "real" house, there aren't any stairs save the 3-4 on the back patio...and those have grass on one side and a bouncy mesh fence on t'other. However- we do make up for any saved danger credits with a preponderance of ill-tempered black widows, brown widows, grey widows, rattlesnakes, scorpions, camel spiders, 800 year-olds trying to drive at night, drunken spring breakatards, devastating brush fires, blackouts in 120+ degree heat, sandstorms, prickly and/or poisonous flora, flash floods, crazy desert meth neo-nazis and of course the literally nonstop earthquakes.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, I'm getting MAJORLY homesick, and clearly you and your family need to come visit SOON!! ;P
As fully crazy as I know it sounds, I really do love the desert; I've joked that I'm some kinda genetic throwback to my mongolian and middle eastern heritage...I totally loved desert climes and landscapes from the first time I experienced them in like 3rd grade. I joke a lot (see above, LOL) about desert dwellers' gripes, but I look around and see the desert for what it is: the most diverse (non-marine) ecosystem in North America! And...although durned near everything bites, stings and/or is venomous, mosquitoes- my most hated bitey things- are few & far between! WOO!
And, srsly- what kid doesn't like watching roadrunners eat tarantulas...not on natgeo or animal planet, but out the window!
um, okay, I stop typing now. me type much.
I fell down the stairs once when I was 3ish and I turned out just fine!
ReplyDelete