Many 'Appy Returns!

Today is my wonderful DH's birthday. I'm doing something akin to praying that his gifts will arrive on time; I had them shipped- ostensibly- to his parents' house instead of our summer house because that's where we are- ostensibly- soon to be heading. The summer house is a bona fide hot mess, and when I say "hot," I mean only that the A/C is not on and the mugginess inside is such that fat drops of condensation have formed on the granite countertop near the sink and every bit of cloth feels damp and has that moldy-towel smell. The Spiders, upon whom I perpetrated a terrible genocide less than a week ago, have returned in full force and are again to be found in every corner and right angle in the house. I'm tempted to make a short film entitled "The Eternal Spider" but that would probably be in very poor taste...which is my way of saying "I have no idea how to make and produce a short film." (I'm not a particularly "sensitive" type when it comes to "those" type of parodies...I still maintain that humor is the most effective weapon against tragedy and oppression; and now for my second Mel Brooks reference in 2 days: please refer to, like, most Mel Brooks films. That is all.) In any case, The Spiders have returned en masse, and now cheerfully occupy much of the house, again. I am tempted to make a Duggar reference, but will not, because that would be both nonsensically hyperbolic and just plain obnoxious, and I try to refrain from the aforementioned. They are not funny literary tools, and even Mel Brooks would never resort to anything but comedically-driving hyperbole. And the most venerable Mr. Brooks, while going for the societal jugular in the name of comedy, is not one to stoop to pure obnoxious mean-spiritedness. (Important newsflash for "Conservative Comedian" types, a la Fox's immediately-defunct Daily Show so-called "alternative:" straight-up mean humor, racist humor, sexist humor, and all other humor-against-the-disenfranchised-by-the-disenfranchiser is NOT FUNNY to ANYONE except the person perpetrating it, and their fellow discriminators/sycophants. When Mel Brooks was "mocking" African-Americans, he was actually mocking stoopit white people, and if you didn't/don't get that, please desist from attempts at humor-making, posthaste! k thx bai!)

And now for a brief intermission: please insert a nostalgic birthday montage (HERE)

Okay! Magic happened, and it is now many hours since I began writing this post...while you were enjoying the birthday montage, the DH and I were loading up The Child for a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house; they had very generously offered to watch The Child so that the DH and myself could enjoy a rare, Child-less date. (And when I say "rare," I mean it! We've seen maybe 4 movies, tops, since we married.) It was due to storm, so after dropping off The Child we hurried off to the sporting clays range for some good, clean, all-American, lead-fortified fun. Damn straight!

I know that I recently posted that I am not the sporting type. That's not entirely true; I was feeling quite sporting today. But then, just speaking words such as "skeet," "trap" and "long rabbits" puts one in a sporting sort of humor, a la Jay Gatsby in his Oxford days. I also felt a great deal more sporting after I broke a few clays...there I go being all goal oriented again.

The Beretta favored by the DH was too heavy for me, to put it mildly. It actually became such a task to hold it up the last few stations that aiming was a joke; just managing to lift it shoulder-high felt like a victory. I will be sore tomorrow. I can't even imagine how sore.

The DH liked my gift! *phew!* And his birthday dinner was yummy, albeit the service was interminable and The Child needed shlepping to and from the bathroom at least six times.

When we returned to my in-laws' home, The Child was so amped on a combination of exhaustion, cake and doting attention that It didn't get to sleep until around 11pm. (The cake in question was, btw, fabulous, and a credit to the Italian heritage of this island's bakers.)

And now, here I am, writing the rest of my blog, tired beyond belief and barely if at all making sense. I think I'm just about done for the day. nighty night and a last happy birthday!

In Summation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yaw7qX_ZDNE&feature=related